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pre-harddisco album, guitar-based electronica, written from 1993-95. this was recorded on my old fostex four-track, with better sound quality than the previous two albums (see pre-harddisco hardware for details). remastered in 2011. value of suffering
material compiled originally on four cds with mix of vocal tracks and
instrumentals - see here for details. track listing: click to play |
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i'd
like to thank you for releasing me for filling me with such a love inspiring me to behave unselfishly i'd like to thank you just for needing me you've made me useful now on your behalf and calmed my insecurity please cling to me, behave possessively display quite clearly that you're desperate for me only then will you defy my insecurity i'd like to thank you for convincing me i'm not as hideous as i had thought possessing no deformity i'd like to thank you for soothing me helping me relax and feel secure free from past anxiety please cling to me... |
parade before me please the most attractive women in the
world and let me see that their beauty's merely something quite absurd try and persuade me that for their great looks and charm i should fall watch as i laugh and move to you, turning my back upon them all my insides feel unwell and unstable / yet when i hold you, they right themselves a mysterious chemical process no longer do i have a type of female beauty i prefer no size or face or eyes or hair colour to which i would defer no other female face will ever make me turn my head again for it is you i love, why should i wish you looked more like them? what value is there in a face when it's the human that we love? - your soul i love i love your nose because behind that nose is the mind i love - your mind i love the pin up queen of whom men dream and gladly would desert their entire life for - desert their wife for she might beckon to me and smile irresistibly but i'd not like her cos you're not like her, and it's you i love |
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i
love you more than i love life / but is that just because i hate this life love you more than i love myself / but is that just because i hate myself what romance can their be in hardship? how sweet is misery and gentle death? can't let my past contaminate my present can't let my careless present ruin our future |
Instrumental | ||
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because i loathe
myself, i can't believe that others don't i'm pleased when others have their faults exposed before me i need to hear that i'm superior and why - i love to hear them criticised and so i won't accept your high regard for me till you insult and downgrade my friends to me if you confide in a less than favourable way i'll feel secure and not dismayed |
and now the revolution's past it surely
can be seen just what a dangerous failure man's technology has been a sad and stubborn farce of ruthless inefficiency machine utopia lost to mankind's ugly industry how proud man's been / so sure that his intelligence would transform the world scene into a paradise of leisure / that freed from labour by machines, we then could treasure higher thought and liberty / and yet he's caught fast in his own ingenuity in this system he's contrived / where work and stress and contest eat people's lives and they do not realise / how inefficient, time consuming and unwise man's way of doing things has been with filth from all his factories poisoning earth's green industry it was assumed would heal and not despoil / man could be provided for without wasting life in toil but if one man with just his labour can feed so many men where's the time we've saved ourselves with civilisation then? and so much time it takes / for a man to feed his family on the wage he makes and so his children he neglects / from cherishing his wife to business he defects so what then is his gain? can all his luxuries make him less aware iof pain? no, but it's too late / soiety and media made his mind stagnate and thus with all our pains / banality in life has softened mankind's brains so industry is vile / our minds have not been freed and earth has been defiled |
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i hate to think of men who leer at
pornography who deny the unique value found in female company desert their wives and girlfriends for an evening with the boys treating ugly girls like slaves and pretty girls like toys agree with you that man has made a mockery of love despised and tortured womankind for centuries and more ignored their tender feelings, their sensitivity beaten them and bullied them with masculinity so yes like you i see the need for changes to made / i see the reasons for your anti-male crusade but when you're preaching hate of men, you give your cause the lie and alienate the men who could have been your best allies agree with you man is not aware of what he lacks the qualities he can't possess, found in the fairer sex he feels no plan of his will ever need female consent unaware of just how much he needs her complement it seems enlightened women have a vital part to play in recognising all abuses that have come their way refusing to tolerate man's egocentric mind identifying bigotries that must be left behind so yes i see the gulf between the sexes must be closed and thus you stand condemned for the hostility you show you're nurturing the hatred between man and womankind displaying the short-sightedness that you claim to despise |
befriend someone who's cool and they'll bully
you mentally convince you that the silences are your responsibility punish you for boring him with sheer effort of will his self-esteem riding on the fear that he instils there is tension between humans - we are all so insecure some fear that to mention it will make it all the more plenty for a brutal, clever, frightened man to use lots of fear in weaker ones for him to abuse so when you're out together, how to cool ones behave? do they show nobility as the weakeer ones they save? or do they prey upon the nervousness, aloofly sit at ease their coldness and their poise making you writhe and seek to please there is tension between humans - we are all so insecure some fear that to mention it will make it all the more plenty for a brutal, clever, frightened man to use lots of fear in weaker ones for him to abuse |
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