vocal album. songs written in 2009 and 2010 with a couple of older ones completed also
mainly guitars & bass, a few keys, more real drum sounds. no third party loops or samples.

track listing. click to play:

it's now and it's contemporary / the time and place to be - what's the reality? / enjoying humiliation is degeneracy
laughing at deluded people - the death of empathy / the end for fellow feeling
you say "other people's suffering makes great tv" / you say "laughing at them makes me feel good about me"
take some poor fool who thinks he can sing / and show the world that he can't / then laugh at his surprise / the confusion in his sad eyes

you made a mistake / you got something wrong / you slipped up for the last time / it's unacceptable
it's unacceptable and unprofessional / you're unacceptable and so unpfrofessional
you don't love your career / you don't worship the firm / you don't have our interests / running red through your veins
i'm an egomaniac, self righteous and self obsessed / i'll dismiss with a glib smug phrase all the effort you've ever made
because you're guilty of being human / and i've forgotten how to be

when she called me clever, and then he called me stupid / i was young so i believed them both / but what would that turn me into?
a self-loathing egomaniac, a reclusive dominator / painful shyness, crazy assertiveness / a faithful friend and a fearsome tyrant
this is what you do when you're clever and stupid, clever and stupid
this is how you act when you're / clever and stupid, clever and stupid
when she called me handsome, and then he called me useless / with filial loyalty i accepted both / but what would i then become?
mad with pain but fired with compassion / trying to hide and be number one afraid to speak, refusing to shut up / a great ally and the worst disputant

the age of intimacy is over / with each partner it gets square rooted / don't tell acquaintances or the media / and you'll have something you can share alone together
there are some things that the public has no right to know / they only think they do because everybody wants to tell them
(but this is intimacy) / just a glance, and you know what she's thinking / all your jokes that just the two of you get
knowing that you've never shared her with anyone else / no anxiety about who's been before you
the things you used to tell your closest friends / now get printed on a thousand glossy pages
to star in those rags is everyone's dream / intimacy and privacy no longer valued
don't even tell your intimate friends / let alone anyone who has your number
but you would really like to tell the world / if only you were famous, if only they would listen
after twenty girlfriends, all of them and all of their boyfriends know everything about you / what is left for you and your latest / to cherish just between the two of you?
when you've posed for a bloke's magazine / there is no intimacy / when you've shown your pants at the back of your jeans /there is no intimacy
when you've sold your wedding to 'OK' magazine / there is no intimacy

although i don't agree with you / i can't help but feel guilty / although i'm not the same as you / i can't help but feel guilty
i'm guilty - of not being the one that you wanted / - of embarrassing you with your friends / - of choosing a life that pains you /  - of wanting your whole world to end
although your life would not suit me / i can't help but feel guilty / although you put yourself before me / i can't help but feel guilty
although my past is a placebo for you / i can't help but feel guilty / although my friends were all mad too / i can't help but feel guilty
although i tried to speak to you / i can't help but feel guilty / although i wanted to be normal for you / i can't help but feel guilty
i meet my obligations to you / yet i still feel so guilty / and when i don't do what you want me to / i can't help but feel guilty
i'm guilty - of leaving every thing that you value / - of choosing my own way in life / - of seeing the world passing over / - of choosing to outlive it now

although i'm in all of your pictures / i just don't feel that i belong there / although you're in all of my memories / those memories don't feel real to me
it's like it all happened to someone else / it's someone else in the pictures / someone else did all those far away things / someone else was so precious to you
although i feel so very distant / i'm not trying to disconnect myself / although i know i'm very different / i'm not disowning anyone

you want me to be close, and confiding / but when i try to speak more personally / you sit silent, wait until i'm done / then you say what you would have anyway
you have such a fixed idea of who i ought to be / but i don't think you know that much about the real me
so i have to come to the conclusion / that what i am isn't what you want from me / you don't believe the real me exists / and you ignore any evidence you see
i know you love me, it's hard that i'm so self contained / but what you love is a persistent illusion
si lack the courage to break through this / and it would only turn you off me anyway
we'll never be as close as you desire / not from any unwillingness of mine / but you want closeness with an image in your mind / with my name, my face, but not the real me
you have a definite idea of who i used to be / but it never really matched up to the real me

you don't seem to like it that i'm so independent from you / the fact is, i had to be / but when i said it you undermined it / and when i gave it you didn't take it
but my confidential talk it never appealed to you / my needs were never acknowledged / and my attempts to trust refuted

i sense that you want more involvement in my life / but when i wanted you to be / you either couldn't or wouldn't be
 on the phone every time i hear the disappointment in your voice / and i know you want me to need you / to trust you and confide
you're waiting for me to say something / waiting for me to give you something

they told me, "you shouldn't have to do what you don't want to" / but then they told me to do lots of things i didn't want to
they told me, "you have to dream of everything beautiful" / but they gave me nightmares / bad dreams of pressure and anxiety
it's all twisted round, it's just a total paradox / so beautiful to look at, but so ugly underneath
they told me, "everyone has got to be included" / but then they left me to watch the phone while they had their meetings
they told me, "we want you all to have so much freedom" / but then they made me write down everything i did every day