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vocal album. songs written in 2009 and 2010 with a couple of older ones completed also mainly guitars & bass, a few keys, more real drum sounds. no third party loops or samples. track listing. click to play: |
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it's now and it's contemporary the time and place to be what's the reality? enjoying humiliation is degeneracy laughing at deluded people the death of empathy the end for fellow feeling you say: "other people's suffering makes great tv" you say: "laughing at them makes me feel good about me" take some poor fool who thinks he can sing and show the world that he can't then laugh at his surprise the confusion in his sad eyes |
you made a mistake you got something wrong you slipped up for the last time it's unacceptable it's unacceptable and unprofessional you're unacceptable and so unprofessional you don't love your career you don't worship the firm you don't have our interests running red through your veins i'm an egomaniac, self righteous and self obsessed i'll dismiss with a glib smug phrase all the effort you've ever made because you're guilty of being human and i've forgotten how to be |
when she called me clever, and then he called me stupid i was young so i believed them both but what would that turn me into? a self-loathing egomaniac a reclusive dominator painful shyness, crazy assertiveness a faithful friend and a fearsome tyrant this is what you do when you're clever and stupid, clever and stupid this is how you act when you're clever and stupid, clever and stupid when she called me handsome and then he called me useless with filial loyalty i accepted both but what would i then become? this is what you do when you're handsome & useless, handsome & useless this is how you act when you're handsome & useless, handsome & useless mad with pain but fired with compassion trying to hide and be number one afraid to speak, refusing to shut up a great ally and the worst disputant this is what you do when you're clever and stupid, clever and stupid this is how you act when you're handsome & useless, adorable but embarrassing |
the age of intimacy is over with each partner it gets square rooted don't tell acquaintances or the media and you'll have something you can share alone together there are some things that the public has no right to know they only think they do because everybody wants to tell them (but this is intimacy) just a glance, and you know what she's thinking all your jokes that just the two of you get knowing that you've never shared her with anyone else no anxiety about who's been before you the things you used to tell your closest friends now get printed on a thousand glossy pages to star in those rags is everyone's dream intimacy and privacy no longer valued don't even tell your intimate friends let alone anyone who has your number but you would really like to tell the world if only you were famous, if only they would listen after twenty girlfriends, all of them and all of their boyfriends know everything about you what is left for you and your latest to cherish just between the two of you? when you've posed for a bloke's magazine there is no intimacy when you've shown your pants at the back of your jeans there is no intimacy when you've sold your wedding to 'OK' magazine there is no intimacy |
although i don't agree with you i can't help but feel guilty although i'm not the same as you i can't help but feel guilty i'm guilty - of not being the one that you wanted guilty - of embarrassing you with your friends i'm guilty - of choosing a life that pains you guilty - of wanting your whole world to end although your life would not suit me i can't help but feel guilty although you put yourself before me i can't help but feel guilty although my past is a placebo for you i can't help but feel guilty although my friends were all mad too i can't help but feel guilty although i tried to speak to you i can't help but feel guilty although i wanted to be normal for you i can't help but feel guilty i meet my obligations to you yet i still feel so guilty and when i don't do what you want me to i can't help but feel guilty i'm guilty - of leaving every thing that you value guilty - of choosing my own way in life i'm guilty - of seeing the world passing over guilty - of choosing to outlive it now |
although i'm in all of your pictures i just don't feel that i belong there although you're in all of my memories those memories don't feel real to me it's like it all happened to someone else it's someone else in the pictures someone else did all those far away things someone else was so precious to you although i feel so very distant i'm not trying to disconnect myself although i know i'm very different i'm not disowning anyone |
you want me to be close, and confiding but when i try to speak more personally you sit silent, wait until i'm done then you say what you would have anyway you have such a fixed idea of who i ought to be but i don't think you know that much about the real me so i have to come to the conclusion that what i am isn't what you want from me you don't believe the real me exists and you ignore any evidence you see i know you love me, it's hard that i'm so self contained but what you love is a persistent illusion i lack the courage to break through this and it would only turn you off me anyway we'll never be as close as you desire not from any unwillingness of mine but you want closeness with an image in your mind with my name, my face, but not the real me you have a definite idea of who i used to be but it never really matched up to the real me |
you don't seem to like it that i'm so independent from you the fact is, i had to be but when i said it you undermined it and when i gave it you didn't take it but my confidential talk it never appealed to you my needs were never acknowledged and my attempts to trust refuted i sense that you want more involvement in my life but when i wanted you to be you either couldn't or wouldn't be on the phone every time i hear the disappointment in your voice and i know you want me to need you to trust you and confide you're waiting for me to say something waiting for me to give you something |
they told me: "you shouldn't have to do what you don't want to" but then they told me to do lots of things i didn't want to they told me: "you have to dream of everything beautiful" but they gave me nightmares bad dreams of pressure and anxiety it's all twisted round, it's just a total paradox so beautiful to look at, but so ugly underneath they told me: "everyone has got to be included" but then they left me to watch the phone while they had their meetings they told me: "we want you all to have so much freedom" but then they made me write down everything i did every day |
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