| the cameraderie among madmen | ||
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vocal album. i
started recording this in 2013; it's 7 years since i completed a new
album, due to illness, fatigue, and old age! especially have i had trouble with vocals. it's the best I could do if it was ever to be finished. a (reasonably coherent) mixture of trip hop, electronic and guitar based tracks, i hope. no third party loops or samples. track listing. click to play: |
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are you glad that you ate? you chose the side of hate you lost the lives of your children you sent us back to the dust now we're living with your choice imprisoned in our homes how much longer can we stand each other and what about those who're alone? I hope you're glad that you ate delicious fruit that you bit into you hoped to become a god you greedy fools it was all untrue this is just one of the big four with famine earthquakes and wars only soldiers don't fear this disease they have a faster way to die i find it kind of ironic it's not just me after all it turns out that we all have serious parental issues you left our most loving father and chose the ruler who hates us we know his work will be undone so why on earth did you do it? |
how can
you believe that left and right are black and white and not both the dullest sordid grey how can you accept your own side's shameless lies then expose the other side's so self righteously? why do you support those whose egos are so great they feel they should dominate by some natural right? i can't help thinking that anyone who longs to wield such authority should be sectioned immediately left and right / black and white in plain sight / ambition is everything left and right / black and white lust for might / the power has twisted them |
the
reality is - my opinion is the only reality that i accept it's the buzzword of the moment while agreement becomes endangered it is the catchphrase of the hour when everyone is firmly convinced that what they feel is the truth and what they want must be what is right the reality is, i am always right and you are only wrong when you disagree with me as my opinion is the truth |
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I felt so little when we lost you I wanted to feel a profound loss We didn't mean enough to each other I wish we had meant everything I grieve for all fathers and sons That never got to know each other Not as they needed to It doesn't hurt that I can't see you It doesn't pain me that you've gone But it hurts that i don't miss you That you left no hole in my life. I saw you doubt that people liked you i saw you fear the judgement of others you were not comfortable around people you felt negative about this life I weep for the waste of it all How many times we hurt each other Without intending to. I crave what we should have been A bond much closer than all others When life threw it's pain at me I needed you to support me To shelter me from the taunts of others To help me believe in me |
some would say i took a lot
from you maybe i needed to take more and there is such a backlog of everything you took from me i'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you and i love you so intensely but i cannot refrain, sadly, from disagreeing hotly on a dozen minor points til you can't believe that i care i can help you with any problem and listen with real sympathy and for a while, you'll feel that i care unless the problem is with me if the problem that you have is with me expect irrational argumententation defensive denial rooted in pain cutting hurtful refutations |
addicted to introspection we discuss ourselves for hours we curse the world and how it never helped us and explore each aspect of our insanity the cameraderie among madmen is not easily understood by normal people but our (flaws are) <-> (past is) <--> (pain is) so important to us because (they have / it has) shaped our realities so many hours discussing teachers dissecting parents and all the harm pinning our symptoms onto past events and all those dangerous thugs at school often ranting after midnight every rejection and the pain still felt every bad dream about our employers and our first acceptance that we were mad |
if you say things i can't comprehend i won't converse with you if i don't understand you, i will ignore you regardless of how close we ought to be to the extent that you don't conform to the demands of society i will not understand, although i find those demands hard to meet myself If what you feel seems to me unseemly then i will not engage my disapproving silence will evoke how disapproved i feel myself i will not understand i will not engage i will not recognise my feelings in your words do you feel the same? do you prefer small groups to large? even better, stay at home, watch tv and refuse to talk on this subject a lack of convention on your part will make me react conventionally although i never have been happy trying to meet those conventions |
If the time ever comes When I can think a rational thought on the subject of me Like, I kind of like myself I'm a pretty good and useful person Most people quite like to have me around I'll know that I am healed, at last The grotesque heights of self exaltation The merciless lows of self accusation I'd like to just feel on the level That I actually quite like myself my self esteem exists in extremes excessive self love or self loathing it seems am I merely tolerated by those closest to me no one is less balanced on the subject of me than myself i catch myself in a thousand egotisms such great conversation and i make everybody laugh such insightful observations balanced by a thousand self-accusations so utterly useless entirely without merit The most worthless man alive |
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