8 songs written from 1997 - 1999, unfinished due to lack of vocal recording / production facilities

in 2005, thanks to software processing, these songs were completed at last

no third party loops or samplestrack listing. click to play:

no composure / no confidence / can't ever relax / never natural
negative is cool / hostility's so glamorous / and I always watch you / please admire me
your personality always overwhelms me / i have to give way to your will, i have to condemn them
hypocrisy is my life / how could i live without it / i have to give way to their will / i have to condemn you
social vortex / pulls you in / spins you round / disorientates you
got to find a hold / fight your way to the top / your foot in someone else's face / crush them beneath you

how effective are the lies that i told you / do you rely on my exclusive love for you / do you trust me not to leave you / are you convinced that i prefer you 
i've got to take who i can get when I can get them
but i wouldn't die for you, i wouldn't die from losing you / i'm not ashamed to use and then get rid of you / when the one i really love becomes available / and gives me a call
i lied when i said that you were perfect for me / you're not the one that I always dreamed of
the best that i can say is that you're bearable / and that you made yourself available

yes i have a girlfriend now and she married me / and i'm almost normal now and you can mention me
yes i'm nearly normal now, not so embarrasing / but i'm still causing you problems - i just can't live like you
what did you expect / that i'd grow out of my unhappy phase / that i'd stop being abnormal when i stopped being lonely
did you think i was pretending just to get some attention / it was never adolescence, just the general effect of life
now i have a job and a house and some children too / we can talk about our holidays and our furniture
yes we'll talk about anything that's insignificant / and pretend that the future will never come 

you're older now and you're going to die / and it's closer than you are comfortable with / just yesterday, you were young and beautiful / now you're older than you thought was possible
and if you'd rather die than be different / then that is the choice that you have made / if you'd rather talk about your decorating / than the state of the world, so be it
it's painful to think of - it's unbearable / it's bigger than you are, and it frightens you
it's not comfortable, not recreational / not any of the things you convinced yourself / that life was about

children kill for pleasure and it's normal / parents kill their children  and it's normal / people hate their lives and that's normal / i'm glad i've never been normal 
normal is not what's acceptable / normal is not what's justified / normal is never what's moral / normal is just what happens to you
violent entertainment is normal / copycat murders are normal / baseball bats and knives are normal  / i'm glad i've never been normal 

be with me, be my friend / look up to me and love me / play with me, enjoy my company / admire me and need me
i'll try to stop you... / i'll try to stop you ending up like me / who'd want to be like me - not me / and i don't want you to be
be with me, be my friend / forgive me, and love me / stay with me, and live indefinitely / admire me and need me

i'm dead - i died last night / with a little pitter patter / and now I'm gone / i hope you all will miss me / i hope you miss me just a little
miss me in the morning / miss me in the evening
it's the feeling of air brushing against your skin / the touch of the sun / it's the caress of the breath of tree against the skylight / the last gasp in the sound of daybreak
i'm dead - I want you all to notice / i'm not turning up for practice / i'm dead - being alive was better / even when it was painful and I hated it
i'm dead - passed away in the dark / i was a bit unhappy, just a little / i'm red - ready for the last stand / pushed a hole through the evening / i'm dead - that's just the way it is / but I've got a little story
i'll tell you now I'm showing

words and music my darling nihilist - thanks for permission

if your job's more like a sentence than a career / you weary men, don't have sons / if your father twisted you, broke you down / break the cyle, break it now
 i'll humiliate you today / grind your bones to make my career / delegate you half to death / and criticise you to the ground
every day you have to face him / and he's the most serious threat to your sanity / and his management is the greatest punishment / that could be devised for you
i'll humiliate you today / grind your bones to make my career / delegate you half to death / and criticise you to the ground
when you get home you'll read your paper / switch on the tv, ignore your family / shout at any noise they make / and pass your insecurity on