8 songs written from 1997 - 1999, unfinished due to lack of vocal recording / production facilities

in 2005, thanks to software processing, these songs were completed at last. no third party loops or samples

track listing. click to play:

no composure / no confidence / can't ever relax / never natural
negative is cool / hostility's so glamorous / and I always watch you / please admire me
your personality always overwhelms me
i have to give way to your will, i have to condemn them
hypocrisy is my life / how could i live without it
i have to give way to their will / i have to condemn you

social vortex / pulls you in / spins you round / disorientates you
got to find a hold / fight your way to the top
your foot in someone else's face / crush them beneath you
how effective are the lies that i told you / do you rely on my exclusive love for you / do you trust me not to leave you / are you convinced that i prefer you 
i've got to take who i can get when I can get them
but i wouldn't die for you, i wouldn't die from losing you
i'm not ashamed to use and then get rid of you
when the one i really love becomes available / and gives me a call
i lied when i said that you were perfect for me
you're not the one that I always dreamed of
the best that i can say is that you're bearable
and that you made yourself available
yes i have a girlfriend now and she married me
and i'm almost normal now and you can mention me
yes i'm nearly normal now, not so embarrasing
but i'm still causing you problems - i just can't live like you
what did you expect / that i'd grow out of my unhappy phase
that i'd stop being abnormal when i stopped being lonely
did you think i was pretending just to get some attention
it was never adolescence, just the general effect of life
now i have a job and a house and some children too
we can talk about our holidays and our furniture
yes we'll talk about anything that's insignificant
and pretend that the future will never come 
you're older now and you're going to die
and it's closer than you are comfortable with
just yesterday, you were young and beautiful
now you're older than you thought was possible
and if you'd rather die than be different
then that is the choice that you have made
if you'd rather talk about your decorating  than the state of the world, so be it

it's painful to think of - it's unbearable
it's bigger than you are, and it frightens you
it's not comfortable, not recreational
not any of the things you convinced yourself / that life was about
children kill for pleasure and it's normal / parents kill their children  and it's normal people hate their lives and that's normal / i'm glad i've never been normal 
normal is not what's acceptable / normal is not what's justified
normal is never what's moral / normal is just what happens to you
violent entertainment is normal / copycat murders are normal
baseball bats and knives are normal  / i'm glad i've never been normal 
be with me, be my friend / look up to me and love me
play with me, enjoy my company / admire me and need me
i'll try to stop you... / i'll try to stop you ending up like me
who'd want to be like me - not me / and i don't want you to be
be with me, be my friend / forgive me, and love me
stay with me, and live indefinitely / admire me and need me
i'm dead - i died last night / with a little pitter patter
and now I'm gone / i hope you all will miss me / i hope you miss me just a little
miss me in the morning / miss me in the evening
it's the feeling of air brushing against your skin / the touch of the sun
it's the caress of the breath of tree against the skylight
the last gasp in the sound of daybreak
i'm dead - I want you all to notice / i'm not turning up for practice
i'm dead - being alive was better / even when it was painful and I hated it
i'm dead - passed away in the dark / i was a bit unhappy, just a little
i'm red - ready for the last stand / pushed a hole through the evening
i'm dead - that's just the way it is / but I've got a little story
i'll tell you now I'm showing

arranged and performed by harddisco - words and music my darling nihilist
thanks for permission
if your job's more like a sentence than a career / you weary men, don't have sons
if your father twisted you, broke you down / break the cyle, break it now
 i'll humiliate you today / grind your bones to make my career
delegate you half to death / and criticise you to the ground

every day you have to face him / and he's the most serious threat to your sanity
and his management is the greatest punishment / that could be devised for you
i'll humiliate you today / grind your bones to make my career
delegate you half to death / and criticise you to the ground

when you get home you'll read your paper / switch on the tv, ignore your family
shout at any noise they make / and pass your insecurity on