the value of suffering - connoisseur of anguish album page

01 enslaved i knew you and i loved you, loved you more than anything in the world i held you and i kissed you, and hoped that at last we could happy but you left me, just like the others, and with me you left your hope of salvation with me you were wanted, and pretty, and wise with him you are just another housewife life has more to offer than this, but the way is so well hidden in this world if only we could have stuck together we could have seen our fulfilment unfurl you must try to avoid the shackles of modern life for you deserve far more and so does every housewife you must resist when they try to make you sacrifice your youth and live your life for you and your love and not society you wanted a normal life, marriage, children mortgage and a tea-towel you rot in your house, cutting off your mind from your soul as it howls you watch your husband as he works, works himself into an early grave you see your love wither as to his salary he is enslaved as to his salary he is enslaved - enslaved	02 the pleasures of life old bones groan in a fireside chair aged bowed head of silvered hair weary lines on a cheated face another also-ran in the human race they told me every day, every year there's so much to look forward to,never fear and so i looked forward, every day now here i sit, with death just moments away the love that i felt was real to me real to me and no-one else soon it will die with my memory i might as well not have lived at all for all the marks that i never made upon this world and all the people who never knew me or cared tears stream down from a closing eye dwindling mind still wonders why it took till now to realise that the pleasures of life are only lies i used to awake in anticipation with such high hopes for every day but i soon sank in the stagnation of the all the emptiness that came my way.	03 a desperate defence i have fought and overcome the demons of oppression i have carved myself a niche in which i can survive i have thrown aside the insanity of hatred and oppression and with my shield of cold cynicism i live and thrive on this planet of persecution, misery and greed exploitation, murder, torture, foul lust and greed my vulnerable soul is safe within my toughened hide and despite the blows and taunts i can regad myself with pride this i belive, and so do those who know me none of us know how loneliness has overthrown me for i smil and jest and radiate immortality and i face the world with my honesty and strict morality but in the glass before me i see a child's wide opened eyes unshielded a desperate soul, anxious to love, unheeded with the years of suffering, rejection and bleeding i see an innocence, eager for acceptance striving to climb the barriers of the lofty few who, anxious to protect their thrones of empty social stardom guard them, from the eagerness of children like you i see for a few precious, yet deadly moments within the barriers erected as a shield within the determination not to yield to the calls of adolescent longing, the sweetness of young flesh within the walls that hide the child from this world's barren heart, merciless and wild i see the child i am, and have always been not the staunch saviour of the opressed nor the solid shoulder for the agonies of friends but a desperate noy hiding in an ever-shrinking space a deviant, a mutant in this stinking human race begging still for succour with a pleading upturned face defeated despite a desperate defence	04 song for clare desert the grey metropolis and wander in the woods stretch upon the soft green turf reach out with your soul unto regions further south and realise your true worth for into your mind upon the gentle summer breeze will float the support of a friend she will serenade you with sweet words of love and bring your torment to an end the world is filled with people who will ever be jealous of the beautiful and the gifted but when spiritual wealth is understood and shared the burden of gifts if lifted life cannot be lived without companions of like mind so for these you must seek for when you find them your soul will be complete and you'll ever be immune from the weak.
05 in order to survive in order to survive i must lose my vulnerability and become immune yet losing my vulnerability loses my soul invulnerable, i shall pass over beauty and truth discarding them as symptoms of weakness it is sad that men must languish in indifference to avoid the pain and fear of a rebuff and that the strength of mind that accompanies ignorance destroys appreciation of music and of love yet despite my eagerness for acquaintance i may escape into a land of ecstacy and bliss for our innocences combined will protect us in the desert we will find our oasis again i must say, we are nothing when apart alone, there is nowhere we can hide from our solitude we must rise and depart and dwell in the sanctuary of our like minds	06 precious and valuable pray do not assault me with your glib and clever phrases as you defile love with your foul melodies don't shower upon it your unimaginative praises in my eyes this is the greatest of heresies how precious and valuable love truly is as you flit from one partner to another how painful the partings and the dear loves lost when you will not show love to your lover tell me how love has enriched your life and i'll show you how it's impoverished mine though i don't want to deprive you of love make the most of your opportunity next time pray do nit sing of love without displaying insight don't use it to justify your nauseating songs many would die for a softly spoken word and you have wasted something for which they long how precious and valuable love truly is how its absence from my life fulfils me as you screech and wail of heaven and earth you kick sand in the face of the lonely tell me how love has enriched your life and i'll show you how it's impoverished mine though i don't want to deprive you of love make the most of your opportunity next time	07 tired of fearing you for a change, please, be desperate for me as i am desperate for you for a change, please, tremble when i pass you by like you make me shake when i'm close to you wherever you lead i will follow you and hate myself as i so do wherever you lead i will follow you for this is what i'm doomed to do i'm tired of fearing you and being under your command and failing to amuse you or to make you understand just how unequal all the times we've ever shared have been and how true peace is something that i've never really seen for a change, please, fear that i don't like you that i just tolerate you for a change, please, be subservient to me, carefully consider everything you do wherever you lead i will follow you and hate myself as i so do wherever you lead i will follow you for this is what i'm doomed to do i'm tired of fearing you and being under your command and failing to amuse you or to make you understand just how unequal all the times we've ever shared have been and how true peace is something that i've never really seen	08 how can you i'm not the son you wanted and i never will be you've made it plain that you take no delight in me i'm selfish and uncaring and i'm sure that, ultimately you'd be happy to remove me from your precious family tree how can you, how can you say such hurtful things with no dismay how can you cruelly make it plain that what i am drives you away this world has hurt me, so badly oh it's hurt me and yet you want me to embrace it, willingly you are ashamed that i'm not satisfied with misery that i'm again evading sweet normality but i'm normal and i do not wish to be if hatred, callousness and spite make up normality but you may yet have the chance to respect me in the day that your precious world ends in your last moments on it, you will have to realise just how much you wronged your poor young son, whom you despised how can you, how can you say such hurtful things with no dismay how can you cruelly make it plain that what i am drives you away
09 girlfriend you must be so frightened for my future as i once again sidestep the only world you ever knew i love jehovah more, he is my father now he understands me and i know you never have no i haven't got a girlfriend, and thank you for reminding me of just how unnatractive i am and i love my creator now and thank you for informing me of how unpopular this will make me i know that i'm too willing to discard you that i'm callous in my lack of love for you but your bluntness always made me so uncomfortable and it's almost a relief for me to leave you to die you're driving me away with your attempts to protect me from living in the wolrd i always longed for no i haven't got a girlfriend, and thank you for reminding me of just how unnatractive i am and i love my creator now and thank you for informing me of how unpopular this will make me i cannot exist in the way that you do the life you want me to live would destroy me	10 it hurts to watch you i know if i approach you that you will receive me gladly you'll thank me most sincerely for rescuing you from the loneliness you felt as you cowered in your corner watching the majority and being of the few we'll share our most unhappy moments in these situations agree on how we neither ever really fitted in and know that peace for us depends on affiliation we'll protect one another and all this i discern from your wide and beautous eyes and how your hair frames the sweet curve of your face i'm certain that beauty will denote understanding and know, because it hurts to watch you, you are right for me yet since i am so timid and my limbs will not propel me towards you, we will never speak so i will not discover just how horrified you'd be at my assumption, that like me you're vulnerable and weak and so i will not suffer a humiliating rebuff and learn a lesson valuable though painful instead i'll watch you leave and be consumed with sadness at the passing of a chance to finds the love i've so long lacked and for weeks ahead i'll sigh upon your wide and beautous eyes and how your hair framed the sweet curve of your face i'll rue your beauty twinned so perfectly with understanding and know, because it hurt to watch you, you were right for me and i watched you leave without speaking	11 i can't believe you like me if you do not rewrite your will in my favour i won't be able to believe that you like me and if you do not offer me your maiden daughter's hand i'll be convinced that you are cold towards me if you are merely pleasant and smile when you see me i might just feel secure for a short while but if you don't begin to beg me not to leave you i'll be convinced that you are waiting for me to go for i can't believe you like me, for my needs for warmth are greater than you have the ability to supply i won't believe you like me if you're only nice to me and you do not in my absence wish to die so am i too demanding and self centred, or just too sensitive and vulnerable to survive do other human beings treat me badly or do i crave for more than my fair share am i unique and special in my awareness of the tiny cruelties that men inflict on each other or am i merely seeking for excuses not to strive as other people do for i can't believe you like me, for my needs for warmth are greater than you have the ability to supply i won't believe you like me if you're only nice to me and you do not in my absence wish to die